supergoddess writes

I need to reboot and reformat.

Suddenly,
every pressure is on me. I feel like Carrie Bradshaw stepped into my
life where she feels that she is being punished or something in one of
the Sex and the City’s episode. I feel distressed and all, leaving all
the blame with the people around me, most especially hon. I just keep
on trying to argue with the most insignificant things almost all the
time. I myself do not know where, when or how it happened. I just
wanted it out of me. As remotely soon as possible.

******************************

I need to write new pieces.

Feels
like my writing skills are being deteriorated. I want to feel the way
it used to be, sleeping late at night just to finish an article, or
getting crazy over the fact that we haven’t interviewed this particular
person where we are nearing the deadline. It’s mostly business writing
at work. I am actually gagging over that fact right now. Not that I am
complaining, but I am yearning to write about different people, going
to different places, interviews, translating tape recordings and such.
Maybe in two years or so, I would be able to do that. I don’t want to
teach. I made up my mind a long time ago for that. I don’t want to go
to law school either, there are good journalists (of course my UST
friends) who are better lawyers to be, than myself. After all, I’m
still young. And I don’t feel like wasting my time in things that I
wouldn’t be able to pursue in the long run anyway.

But someday, I’d be a true-blue, working my ass off, maybe even award-winning journalist. I know in time, I would.

*****************************************

I need to know my worth

Oooh,
controversy perhaps? Nah, I’m just saying this to face my fears. I have
been this overbearing b*tch for a long time. I didn’t want to fail. If
I knew someone better and I didn’t like this person, I’d try to deject
them. This time, I’d keep quiet. Everyone deserves a chance. But just
don’t expect me to be clapping my hands. That is so not me anymore.

*****************************

There.
Somehow, I feel less crappy. I know there is something wrong with me,
but I keep shrugging it off because I don’t want to answer my questions
just yet. I am happy with my life. But sometimes, I feel indifferent of
the people around me. Or no one really cares sometimes.

..Maybe that’s how it is supposed to be. Shallow isn’t it?

Happy Mother’s Day to the one of the greatest and prettiest mama in the world! Love you Mama.

There
was one time that Hon told me I am beginning to sound like my mother. I
was mortified at what he said because although I came from her, any
minute now, we could turn into a Freaky Friday movie and pull a
switcheroo just to understand each other.

I didn’t get to grow
up with my Mom. While I get to attend school at Novaliches, she was
working at Manila. There are times that I would despise her because she
would confiscate my Sweet Valley Books whenever my grades would drop or
failed a quiz. I also felt deprived of material things, especially when
I would ask her to buy nice and expensive things for me. And that
caused me to love my Lola more than her.

She took me from my
lola when I was in high school. I actually thought it was hell because
she gets to see what I was doing, my habits, even how I study (not that
it’s a big deal, I just don’t want anyone keeping the eye on me). So
really, I kept almost everything from her. Even the guys Ive dated were
off limits to our conversations because she would either ridicule or
insult the guys I like. See the picture now?

It was only then in
college that we became close, I guess. Because I don’t thrive to have
too much material things anymore, the simple things excite me. Going to
malls for no apparent reason, bargain-hunting, even the night markets
are looked forward especially when she invites me to come with her.

Presently,
we cope with each other. Although we were like oil and water a lot of
times, I love my mom. I love her fascination with dolphins. I love her
bringing me my favorite things. I am proud that she puts up with Lester
and I. And although we don’t look that much alike, I sooo love her and
no one could ever replace her here..<3

+++++++++++++++

Spent the whole day with Hon today doing lotsa things. Went to the
hospital, went to Mega to buy him the Anniversary gift (which I
persuaded him to say what he wants so that I would not end up buying
him what he doesn’t want, and thankfully agreed), bought a gift for
Avi’s Baptismal and Birthday, him buying me THE most awaited book

"For One More Day", then went to our house for more quality time.

Anyhow,
we also managed to rummage DVDs at Quiapo, but didn’t buy anything. I
dunno why, maybe I have so many movies still lined up unwatched, or
maybe because I still have five books untouched. I feel sad that I
couldn’t finish them all. My spare time to read is when I travel to the
office, ride a jeepney then open a book (that is, when I don’t fall
asleep during the ride to the office). Hence, I couldn’t bear to finish
any. I just feel bad that I am splurging for books, or rather I let Hon
splurge for my books. I don’t know. When I point something to him, he
just keeps on picking it up and the last time I see it, its all paid
for and wrapped. But sometimes, when I catch him buying things for me,
we would always have a fight that I don’t really need it and I would
just want him to see it. He even reasons that he didn’t get to buy
things for me pa ‘nun ha.

I
just don’t want people to have this impression that I’m spending his
money. After all, I have mine to spare. I’m used to buying things in
moderation. I guess I got that from my mom. See, I’m starting to be
like her na talaga.

..oh well, just clearing things up.

Elections
on Monday again. Have my line-up ready since last week. But I don’t
know, guess it still might change over this weekend. Gotta go, feeling
groggy already. (Duh, why wouldn’t I? It’s past two. haha O_O )