supergoddess writes

Many
people say I could adjust anywhere.

Put me in
a room full of kids and I could be one of them, or inside a place where
opinionated people are in and I could talk for hours. That’s how valuable I am.
Because I know where I should stand.

But
lately, I’m finding it hard to even recognize and adjust to myself. Seems like
I’m in a different trance where I should be "miss nice" and not throw
my imperfections to people. Seems like I’m kidding myself. And the worst part?
I couldn’t even find my voice in that crowd. It’s stupid right? But really,
it’s breaking me every minute. Some friends are asking me plans about it, and
definitely, I couldn’t find an answer inside my head anymore. I’m letting
imaginary heroes take care of it. Why? Because I don’t wanna be the possessive,
narrow-minded and nag that people wanted to think of. And that makes it more
confusing. I used to have a plan on those things, or a counter-attack, but then
voila, I can’t find that reasoning anymore.

I’m not
asking for eternity, some minutes would be fine, but I can’t even form you in
my head.

I need a
break. I need to clear my mind or else I would continue suffering and that
would cause me a crack in the head. I’m not so sure whether I am that
insensitive or you’re the one that’s dense. I’m really not sure.

I’m

not
used to psy-wars. Malyn told me I’m not used to that because I still live in
the perfect and peaceful world. Maybe I am still living in the warm and fuzzy
environment. Or maybe because I let people lead me to it and I can never be
ready for those situations. So what, I’m pampered. I am used to being treated
as a princess, and used to getting things my way. I plan early, because I don’t
want to miss out on things. I love hard, and fall really hard, that’s why I’m always
hurt. I’m a little paranoid because I am traumatized by the drama that my past
relationships has brought me. I am sensitive and a crybaby, because I cannot
control my tears falling from my eyes and I let my emotions rule my head. Yeah, so what?

Problem
with me is that I could forgive easily. With a message saying just a
simple hi, my anger and disappointments would disappear just like that.
Bottom line? I’m hurt but please, give me something to hold on to. That
I’m not just hoping, that someday, all of these would be real, that I’m
not the only one who feels warm and fuzzy, and that I would never be
alone again. 

Is it really too much to ask?

I can only express my truest feelings through writing.. the
problem is, I’m unsure of how I feel.

 
Don’t get me wrong by this, I’m just pressured to find a job
that suits me. My four-day work with CITEM is already over. It’s unemployment
for me again. But I found real people with the enumerators I’ve worked with–
Vic, Leo, Kharl, Richy, Louie, Dianne, Marvi, Vanni and of course to my partner
in taking the guts out to the buyers, Kuya Ryan. Mas ibang level ka talaga.
hehe. Although four days is a short span of time to realy know each other, we
proved that it was a team. No foreigners who didn’t want to answer our surveys
nor the buzz at the Buyer’s Lounge could ever make us give up. haha, I just
hope they learned the lesson to deal with us the next time, well, if there is
by chance a next time. =)

More thanks to Vic because he proved that he isn’t really the
perv that I know of. Just kidding, thanks for the gift. It isn’t my birthday
but thanks. I’m really glad you trusted me with all your stories about you know
what and you know who. I also hope you learned much from me considering I’m
your ate and not just the "Catholic School Girl" you used to refer me
to. And please lang, wag ako nili-link kung kani-kanino ha! Bad yan!

ahey, this is not a testimonial but I have to say my thanks
here to Ryan. To the best partner in scouring the PICC for buyers, the videoke
buddy and shuttle bus co-traveller, sobrang THANKS talaga. If it weren’t for
you, I wouldn’t even survive the first day at WTC and have the guts to approach
foreigners. Sana lang, wag niyo na kong ibenta ni Vic diba? You would always be
the big brother I never had. I would really pray that you would have a great
job asap, and a deserving partner that would really take care of you. I believe
you could find one someday my fellow Virgo-counterpart. I would always be your
lady version and you would be my guy version. Twin ba. =)

Enough being sentimental, now I have all the time to look for a
permanent job again, or just bum around the house. My next mission is Port
Area. If all else fails, I’d audition for a singing contest instead. (kamusta
naman yun?!?)

And I wanna spend my time with someone I now miss since I
haven’t talked to him for quite some time. I appreciate that even through text,
you never failed to make me smile everyday. *hug*

Oh well, my feet are aching badly. Gotta go. Sleep. Breathe. XD

I
have been a pain to two guys at work. But thanks to them, I’m really
keeping up in overcoming my so-called shyness to talking to foreign
buyers and asking them to answer the survey. But really, this
experience brought me new friends, new attitude and adventure.

And
although I’m such a baby to the two pampering "kuyas" (with Vic
treating me as if I’m 15 and Ryan as if I’m 11.), I still think I’m
managing to be sort of professional with work though sometimes, I tend
to slack off. (labo) But I’m really trying to keep my pace.

Went
to Boardwalk to celebrate Kai’s grad dinner. Was fun and met Pangwi and
Rainbow. The stars were all twinkling. Too bad you’re not there to see
it. I was hoping that one day, we could gaze at the skies just watching
the stars. Sayang pa because we haven’t had the chance to see the
meteor shower.

Till here, I’ll just blog again to share my
experience and if i can make it to my quota tomorrow. am sleepy. its
already 3am, i have work at 9 am, and yeah, hope I could wake this
morning.

…zzzzz..mwah

I wanna be Scarlett O’Hara for a day.

Nah,
that would just be a fantasy. Number one, I am not a boy magnet. And
two, I am so much loyal when it comes to love. Well, we sometimes have
this thoughts of i-wanna-be (insert name here) and I tried watching
Gone With the Wind last night for the second time. So there, so much
for being a movie junkie.

But
I have a very good reason to be one. Adapted from Gilmore Girls: "I
wouldn’t be the girl who would spend hours cleaning her keyboard when
she could go out with her friends"

Get
it? The best girls don’t stay at home. They should be out with their
special someone on a Saturday night or any night. Or maybe I don’t
wanna be Scarlett anymore. I choose to be Rory Gilmore, but not with
Jess, with Logan. But hear ye, please be my Logan.. (wow, pinilit.)

Si
friend (uy blind item. you know who you are) was pissed at me the other
night for babbling about I being unemployed and all. So his way of
making me shut up is to bombard me with lots of net sources and
companies that are looking for writers/journalists/basta hindi call
center!.. Well bottomline of mentioning? I would not blab again.
nyarnyar..=)

I’m
bored. I should be sleeping now but I can’t. Said goodnight to you
already but snuck up to check my emails. I’m not lying to anyone but
I’m kinda guilty for this one, but you know, I’m giving myself a break.

*************************
The
"TALK" made me feel good. It felt light afterwards. Or maybe because of
the fact that you didn’t let me get away from you. That felt nice. So
nice actually. Just so you want to know, I’ve dealt with this before,
and I tried so hard, but still it wasn’t good for him. Actually,
everything I do isn’t good for him.

I
guess it’s been long enough that I had to remember that. My old self
isn’t present anymore. And I believe this is my third time to say that
I have moved on. And I stand by it. I’m happy. So happy that it feels
just like the first time I was in love..=)

..haay ria, itulog mo nalang yan.

nyt!=)

I have been in the dumps
lately. Though someone nice is trying to pick me up from the fall, this
week has been one of the disasters I’ve ever had. I’m feeling bad about
not seeing someone, not talking to that someone and not knowing where
we’ll end up. And my heart is getting bruised everytime I think of it,
and makes me wanna cry more. I just don’t know what to do about it. I
have no idea what I should do or how I should ever think, let alone how
I should feel. And the worst part, I’m getting used to the fact that
I’m blaming myself for the damages that I’ve been doing for the both of
us. I just don’t want him to leave, but I’m getting frustrated about
it. I don’t know.

I don’t want to care anymore, but eventually, I could not NOT care.

So anyway, enough with stress,
because this time, I wanna take over my life. I mean taking over doing
great stuff, concentrating on getting a job, waking because the world
wants to you to wake up and all that stuff. I just don’t wanna cry
everyday and thinking about my strenuous almost there life. And if I
could just leave my world for one day and think of no one, I believe I
can get back to my old and normal self. The one who loves herself more
than others.

But anyhow, I think it’ll never happen again.

***********************
I have an upcoming summer job
for four days or five if you count orientation with CITEM in one of
their trade shows. But I’m really counting on ABC5 or Colors Publishing
to interview then hire me. Channel 5 called and they were looking for a
PR Writer for a contest, but I can’t really tell you what because it
might still be a secret or something. I even jokingly said to a friend
that if I couldn’t snag the job, I’ll just join the contest or
something. =) At least its something I’m good at, I think.

So the problem is, I’m really
hoping that they would schedule the interview say, Monday or Tuesday
next week because I would really be occupied from Wednesday till
Saturday and I have no idea what I’m gonna do with it. So I’m praying
real hard that nothing would go in my way because it would really be
hard for me to decide where to go first or who to prioritize. That
would really suck and I hate to break my promises.

Kai and I talked about best
thesis and all this afternoon. I wonder if ours was chosen to be one of
the Most Notable Theses. Sir Jere hasn’t announced it yet, and were
kinda hoping for it because we really worked hard on it and I think Sir
Jeff would be pleased if we were one of them. News anyone?

Oh, and 4Journ1, about that
outing you’ve been planning, I think I’m gonna try taking a break from
jobhunting and my stressful life to spend time with you. I just hope
that when you decide to have the gimmick, I would still be free. I’m
just wishing to spend time with you guys. =)

So much for my Holy Week. But I
enjoyed the Gilmore Girls Marathon. I just hoped they aired Season 5
because I missed a lot of episodes from that and Quiapo still doesn’t
have the series or something.

Well, guess I have to stop blogging now. Its late already. I mean, morning already.

Oh,and special mention to Byron
James, thanks for having the time to read and comment on my blog. I
hope you’re doing well now you’re overseas and all. And thanks for the
faith, I knew I could count on you mi friend. =)

And I’m really out.. =)

Have done
enough bumming time today. On Monday, it’s time for some serious job hunting
obligations. I’m gonna be interviewed for CITEM, a trade and missions company,
and they’re also offering me as an initial something, a summer job for four
days, inteviewing foreign investors. Not sure yet about it though, still have
to be interviewed before I could interview these people. =)

 
Im afraid
of losing this one person. I have been paranoid about the fact that one day, he
could again forget that I exist. I just don’t want that to happen again. Not
when I’m kinda being used to the fact that he’s one of the important people in
my life, and someone who cares for me more than I could ever take care of
myself. I just hope we could work things out. I just don’t want something to
end before it even began.

***************

Had a
movie date with Malyn and Angel this afternoon. Have been laughing our heart’s
out with Ice Age 1 and 2. Not really addicted, but had loads of fun since my
heart’s been jumping into circles and I need to laugh more.

 
Also
passed my sample articles to COLORS Publishing. I so wanna be a travel writer.
Wish I could work there, or CITEM din. Whoever hires me first naman. I just
need a job, a writing profession. And I don’t care how much money someone could
rake in call centers. I’m not against it. It’s not just an option yet.

 
I’m
trying to catch my sleep back. I think I’m already insomniac. I just don’t
wanna think about being sick anymore, I would just be entitled to panic even
though I’m perfectly healthy.

 
Oh well,
its funny to finally realize that I’m growing up to be like my mother. I am
definitely good at nagging, like her. We both enticed to fancy stuff that it
led her to bring me shopping for office attires, and I think were both open to
so many opinions, and our own opinions too. And its nice that were really close
now. Not really Lorelai- Rory Gilmore relationship, but at least, were
mother-daughter/friends.

*************************

Oh, how I
really wish I could talk to you now. I’m missing you..really.Gotta go
sleep. I’m out..

I’m
in a different trance now. I coined the place La La Land because my
feelings are kinda following that way *read: hearts, music, daydreams*
I just hope it will lead me back home and could last for the longest
time. <3

Had the most difficult test I’ve ever had today.
Since Mela and I applied weeks ago in BusinessWorld, we were scheduled
to have a TEST. She and I even reviewed our notes during Sir Salvosa’s
class for nothing. We has application, logic, strategic planning,
arithmetic and personality tests. Some were easy but the problem is
time management. Well I don’t think some normal person could finish
that too. After the exam, Icy, Mela and I felt tired but still tried to
joke about the exhausting test.

So anyway, I think my chances on
passing to the that company is getting slim to zero. But what the heck,
there are a LOT of companies out there. I know I could accomplish to
snag a job in one of the broadsheets in the Metro Manila. My other
option is to go to the tourism jobs fair tomorrow at the PICC.
Hopefully, companies are looking for PR Writers and stuff. I think that
my dream job of traveling and writing at the same time could be there.
I’m really crossing my fingers now.

I’m kinda sleepy. But I will
talk at the right time. But for now, I guess I have to be mum about my
life. Though I’m really into this. =)

Still happy and still inspired…

My heart’s been jumping lately, and for unknown reasons.

I have been interviewed last Friday at ABS CBN Creative Dev’t Group. I
feel as if I’m in deep water right now. Jops and I are not sure of our
status in getting the job. She said that my concept paper was good, but
then, Jops isn’t one of the interviewers. I mean, it’s my dream company
to work into. I have been rooting for the station my whole life.
Really, there’s no other station in mind, though I applied in other
stations. Rival stations pa ha!

I’ll be having a celebration this afternoon. I’m gonna feel the waters
again. Meaning pool waters. My family’s going swimming and I’m coolm
with that. =) Then afterwards, will go to Glorietta to celebrate with
Mela and other classmates for her cum laude dinner.

BTW, Happy April Fool’s Day and Happy Birthday to my ‘kada, TATS!

Namimiss ka na ng XZENO!

Keanna Reeves won the Pinoy Big Brother celebrity edition title. I
believe that among the four, she was the most deserving. I mean instead
of *cough Zanjoe cough*
Sorry, I just don’t like the guy..especially for him to win it? argh.

Right now, I’m afraid to get hurt again. I don’t know. I might get too attached.. I just hope I wouldn’t get disappointed.

…Im sleepy. have to do this another time =)