The men in my life are the ones who would kill me!
I thought I was fine, for the past months, my life has been great, then all of the sudden, I’m having these crazy thoughts of what I could’ve done and what I should’ve tried to do.
And that’s why through this blog, I would really do bitching right now.
At shempre, I have to withheld their names.. pero I guess it would looks obvious naman eh. Tamaan na pwedeng tamaan, blog ko naman to diba?
GUY #1: “ayokong makita kang umiiyak o malalaman kong umiiyak ka”.. know this line? Read this before? I thought you were my friend. I guess I was damn wrong to think of it that way. And what makes it so bad? Its as if were never friends. I know I shouldn’t be demanding anything from you, but when friends promise to each other, whether it is just a phonecall, or the assurance that they would never hurt each other, they make it happen no matter what. And you know? The guys ive dated before looks good right now in my eyes. And you shouldve never said that I am special when you don’t mean it. and anyway, since I have nothing to lose anymore, because I’m letting you be free from our “friendship”, I just wanna tell you that I may have deeper feelings for you, that I treated you more than just a friend. I thought we had something. I thought that you saw me differently. It was really good while it lasted. Or you could’ve just said something that wouldn’t lead me into liking you. Na kahit sinabi mo lang right in front of my face that I am just your friend, and I shouldnt lead onto something more. But anyway, what’s the use of it? I chose to say goodbye to you because I couldn’t take the hypocrisy anymore. I have to forget you, my feelings and all, because it wouldn’t do any good to us, and to your girlfriend to be exact. So I’m doing this, not just for you, but for the good of everyone. Thanks anyway. I don’t know kung mag-eexplain ka pa ulit, but as ive said, you had a lot of chances to straighten everything, but you didn’t. May cellphone, may landline, may email, may friendster. You can make it all happen if you really want to, but you never used anything. I just kept on waiting, but from what ive seen, wala na talaga akong magagawa dahil I already lost hope that you would still do something to keep this friendship. At ngayon, hindi ko alam kung bakit ako umiiyak, dahil ba sa friendship na nirerefuse mo, sa katangahan na hindi ko sinabi na gusto kita, or dahil sa sinabi mo na ayaw mo kong makitang umiiyak..damn. this really sucks more than you could imagine.
GUY#2: Syempre, alam ko hindi mo to mababasa, but anyway, I trusted that you wouldn’t hurt me. that you could find ways na kahit hindi na tayo at nasa
Australia
ka na, we’d still keep in touch, but then, you didn’t. and its fine. I have my life to live. And besides, I still have to prove you that if you would ever love me again, and if I still feel the same way that I did for you, I would let you marry me someday and if it’ll cost me to be apart from my family, maybe I would let you take me with you. Away from these guys who wouldn’t dare love nor like me. but if you wouldn’t come back, I promise that I wouldn’t cry and look for someone who would take me for me.
GUY#3: I don’t know kung bakit masyado kang dense. Akala ko, bagay tayo. But if you feel na walang spark between the two of us, I wouldn’t force you to like me because I wanted you to be happy. I’m glad to be your friend. I wish you could be more than that, but I would just let fate decide for me. I really learned a lot from you. Thanks for making me smile. Kasi kinikilig talaga ko kapag kausap kita. Its funny pero kung talagang mababaw lang kaligayahan mo, sige, ride on ako, mababaw din lang naman ako eh. Kaya nga nung tinanong mo kung bakit lagi akong masaya, I have to thank you for that, kasi pinapasaya mo talaga ko…
GUY#4: I like you as friend, nothing more, nothing less. Just a friend. Kahit wala kang sinasabi, nararamdaman ko yung gusto mong mangyari, but I cant do that. Ayokong masaktan ka sakin dahil hindi mo deserve yung taong katulad ko. Maybe nakikita mong tawa lang ako ng tawa, pero there lies a girl, screaming for attention, and hoping na makakita ng true friends na aakay whenever she’s down. And right now, alam kong I could lean on you. Pero hanggang friends lang ang kaya kong I-offer. Mas okay na yun kaysa malaman mo lahat ng gulo na napapasukan ko. But thanks for always being there. Marami pang iba dyan. Kahit ihanap pa kita..hehehe
..this is really a long post. I shouldn’t talk about it again after this one. But you know what, made me feel good after I did this. I just wanna clear my side. And I hate hiding from everyone. Maybe I’m good at crying, but then, saying it out loud is still the best way to be free from these thoughts inside my freaking brain. I don’t wanna fall in love again.. maybe at least until I’m thirty, when I could just pick someone and I could even be his provider. Swerte sya! But as if I’d do that! No way..have to go.. am sleepy right now..
